Gardengnomeaphobia

Gardengnomeaphobia is a rare but serious condition that affects...Boba Fett.  Boba Fett's "fear" of garden gnomes will come to a head on his 8th birthday (a phobia like this is just begging for a prank.) If you feel compelled to help us treat this serious condition known as "Gardengnomeaphobia," please deliver your gnomes, gnome artwork and gnome accessories to Starlings by the 10th of September.

Coming September 11th, 2011

The Gnoming

Offered: Coon Skin Hat - Coon Included.

I know you are all waiting patiently and not-so-patiently for pictures of the new house and snapshots from the retro housecleaning party. Trust me, I would rather be blogging about that I am very sorry to be blogging about raccoons.

I am terrified of raccoons, it all started one night nearly 20 years ago when I was sleeping under the stars in Southern Idaho and some raccoons found the camp trash cans. They feasted all night long while I cowered inside my sleeping bag. I had never actually seen a raccoon before and I was scared.

I have also read Where the Red Fern Grows many, many times and I know how smart and dangerous those guys are, even more reason to be afraid.

You see a raccoon showed up in the next door neighbor's tree, hanging over our yard looking down upon my tasty children on Friday afternoon. It was lethargic and convulsing and I figured it would not make it through the day. The next morning it was gone but Sunday evening he was back in the tree, convulsing, and was there all day today (Monday.)

The inter-webs inform me (according to the Washington County website) that the county will not come get a possibly rabid raccoon or any other wild animal. They will come get cats and dogs. Ummm, OK. I can call a private company and pay $175 for them to catch the little beast but how exactly am I going to be able to afford to pay to have a raccoon removed? I just bought a house, I'm broke!

Also, explain this: The county doesn't consider a convulsing raccoon an emergency because there hasn't been a case of rabies in Washington County in 30 years but a private raccoon catcher is required to euthanize the raccoons because they might have distemper. Distemper sounds like a fancy word for Rabies to me.

Did I mention my little kids playing on the porch 10 feet beneath the raccoon?

So my Dad and I are brainstorming over the phone ways to "deal" with the raccoon when I turn around to see Boba Fett the future Zoologist with tears streaming down his cheeks. He doesn't wan the raccoon to die. Great.

So, tonight, Moose is waiting for me to finish putting Nutmeg to bed when he hears a vicious growling outside. We ran to the window to find the raccoon on my beautiful new porch staring up at me with his bandity eyes, convulsing.... The Raccoon. Convulsing and Strolling. On. My. Porch.

Moose went to the gym, shortly afterward I heard some clanging outside. I hope the Raccoon didn't get him.

I can't handle a rabid husband right now.

Innocence Lost

There was once a man who was loved by many. He said to the people "Follow me and I will make you do what is right, I will save you. Not one soul shall be lost. The glory will be mine." There was another man, also loved by many who said "Follow me. I will not make you do what is right. I will let you chose good or evil. Some will be lost, but I will save you through my sacrifice. The glory will be to our father, our creator." Many people wanted to be forced to do what was right, still more wanted their agency. There was a war.
The first man and his followers were cast out. He tries now to take away our agency. Always he contrives with his whisperings, his cunning words and his lies. He tells us what we want to hear as he leads us down the path to bondage.
This man's name is Satan, Lucifer, the Devil.

Today I listened to the president of my country, the very country that was founded on the sacrifice and blood of so many for liberty, for freedom, for AGENCY. I heard his cunning words and lies as he tries to lead our people into bondage. Physical bondage, financial bondage, social bondage.

I snapped of the radio and told my children the unhappy truth. I told my children solemnly, gravely that the president of our country is a wicked man. I told them that he is taking away our agency, that he is full of lies and deceit.
I warned them to be on their guard.
I will fight for their agency just as I did once before.

What To Do About Bullies

I felt impressed to share this on my blog, I didn't want to but I hope that there is a reason I write this.
My kid has his very own bully.
I don't know if he technically qualifies as a bully, but there is a kid that picks on him, calls him names and is physical with him. Commander C doesn't want to go to church/scouts if this kid is going to be there. (Can I just say, I am so glad I homeschool. If Commander C was in public school they would be in the same school with the bully 1 grade ahead. Classic.)
I don't fear for my son's safety just yet, but I know this child's family, when he grows up he is going to be a big kid, we are talking star of the varsity football team, my kids are not going to be big - runty is more like(I am not being mean it is just the hard truth) So I think it is best to nip this thing in the bud while they are both puny kids.

Once I learned about "Bully" I went to the trusty Internet for help. I was blown away, all this blabber for years about how serious bullying is and there was no practical help at all. The most common was "Check with your school about their anti-bullying program." Thanks - that really sounds like it will protect my son. Apparently, talking to the bully's parents can work wonders or make things worse. Depends on the kid. My friend says that she tells her son to "punch the little blighters in the nose." While practical, I don't know that it is applicable to our situation yet.

The fact that this is a church bully makes it stink worse. This is the place where people are supposed to be nice to the fat kids, kids with glasses, lisps and every other target. How do you try to convince your kid that the people at church are nice, if they aren't.

How do adults handle bullies? For the most part we don't put ourselves in situations where we have bullies. If someone is mean to us we just steer clear of that person. Kids don't have that option. Generally, if you are an adult dragging your family to 9:00 am sacrament meeting, arriving at 8:30 just to find a seat and them spending 3 hours at church, chances are you want to be there and have made the choice to be nice to other people. I don't have church bullies.

I had found out about this situation by likening the scriptures. I was pulling an Alma to his son Corianton - Commander C. has been having some severe attitude problems and we had decided it was time to call him to repentance. As I was wrestling with this bully business I wondered what the scriptures would say about this. I thought about Nephi and his brothers Not sure that is really bullying and while confounding and shocking the bully with the power of God would probably be effective, I don't think that is going to happen either.

And so, what to do?
Well, I am grateful for the blessing of personal revelation on this one. The thought came to me that we should pray for him. Pray for "Bully" that he will realize the way he is behaving is not right. I know he has been taught this, what he needs is to recognize what he is doing. I suggested to Commander C that we pray for "Bully." He agreed readily. I am praying for Commander C as well that he can bear it and learn from this situation.

And then this morning, to illustrate the point in 2 Nephi 32: 3 "Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do. " I remembered this scripture perfect for dealing with bullies " Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." Luke 6:28

Tender mercies. While I may or may not have a talk with "Bully's" parents I will continue to pray for him, and be grateful for the scriptures and personal revelation

Nutmeg Fears The Jolly Old Elf

Well Boba Fett is afraid of Obama and Nutmeg is afraid of Santa Claus.
That's right, she is terrified that he is going to come through her window. She asks each night in a worried voice if Santa is coming tonight as she clings to me. I was just dancing and singing to the Jackson 5's Santa Claus is Coming to Town and she came up to me and said "Mom our home is not a town, right?"
Yesterday we rounded a corner at the Pittock Mansion ans ran into a Santa and I was afraid of an incident but I think she knew he wasn't the real thing, his beard was pretty short, and he was awfully skinny.

What should we do? Spill the beans? She isn't quite 3 years old yet, that seems harsh, I never remember believing in Santa and I don't feel deprived of anything?
Personally I don't do anything to promote Santa but I don't disillusion anyone anyhow. Besides Santa came in very handy the year Commander C had a problem with stealing and he got a note from Santa and no Bionicle.