Monday, February 28, 2005

Isolation and Childrearing

Most of you probably don't know this because you don't know me IRL but
Osito is supreme mama's boy. Not you normal baby that likes mom but a Cry
HYSTERICALLY when mom is gone - the entire time even if it is 4 hours. -
kind of baby. He is 17 mo old an I noticed this at about 6 months. I
just went to the temple for the first time in 2 years because he was
finally able to be left with dad long enough with just tolerable sadness
and crying verses extreme hysterics when i leave him with anyone else.
I can't even leave the room. I can in the house sometimes if I don't go
too far and not for long and there is something really exciting going on
where he is.

I have mixed feelings about this. Of course i would like to be able to
go on dates (I even had my sister move in with us in hopes of him
getting to know her so she could watch him occasionally - no deal he
doesn't like her) but i feel

1) that it shouldn't be a problem that he likes me so much that there
shouldn't be anywhere that I can't go WITH my baby. I don't choose to
go to places that don't welcome children often. the temple is an
exception. I think that the temple should at least have a visitors
center so that a sitter could come and hang out with the baby - so i
could be away for less time - the Portland temple does not have a
visitors center. I mean we are a baby making baby loving people!
2) I shouldn't be EXPECTED to leave him. It makes me so sad when I meet
people who are out for HOURS when they have few days/weeks old baby at
home. And the fact that I seem to be the only one bothered by it and
everyone else doesn't bat an eye but when they find out I don't leave my
toddler it is HORROR and I am the only one that seems ok with it.
3)I shouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I was COMPLETELY
alone for the first 4 months I sat on the couch with the baby on my lap,
computer on my side book in my hand and my pre-schooler watching TV!
And then alone mostly for every day until my sister moved in after a
year. I SHOULD have had a community to help raise my baby mother close
by, sister down the street, friend across the way and a whole ward full
of sisters to see and hang with everyday. Instead my family is 2 states
away good friend 45 minutes away other friends a country away and no
ward friends and play dates that have to be scheduled, gotten ready for
and piled into the car and go. I should have had a NUMBER of people
that Osito saw every day and was comfortable enough with that leaving
would not be the trauma it is.

I admit he still would be partial to me - he just has that kind of
temperment - and do love to have him close but I just can't help
thinking thing are backward. It seems like society is regressing rather
than progressing. I guess that is just part of Satan's plan to help
destroy the family.

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