Saturday, May 01, 2010

Saturday Night Cinema: The Bollywood Awards

After months of hard work the "Bollywood Pre-Screen" has finally ended. I did it for you gentle reader and because I wanted to find a great film for Cinema Domingo: Bollywood Edition. I have watched a lot on Indian sillyness and shed a great deal of tears. I have read many, many subtitles and I may be able to understand a bit of Hindi. I have a working knowledge of the Hindu godhead, I know Krishna from Vishnu from Ganesha.
I AM counting Bride and Prejudice and Bend it Like Beckham because they started me on this crazy Bollywood quest. I am NOT counting Indian Films like Water or Earth because they contain no singing nor dancing.
As the judge panel consists solely of myself let the ceremony begin.
Bend it like Beckham for "Darshan" B21 for "My Favorite Indian Song."

Bride and Prejudice for "No Life Without Wife" wins the "Song That Has Stuck in My Head the Most" award.
Runner up: Saawaryia for "Saawaryia"

Shahrukh Khan is known as "The King of Bollywood" for a reason, he is good, but he drives me nuts. He seems to excel in slapstick and goofiness. I do not appreciate slapstick or goofiness. He gets the award for "NOT Best Actor."
Zohra Sehgal wins "The Most Frequently Recognized Character Actor" award.

Aishwarya Rai gets the award for the "Most Beautiful Woman on the Planet."
This is of course self explanatory.

Lagaan gets the award for "Most Evil British Stereotype" and an honorable mention for teaching me about cricket, a sport that hitherto was a complete enigma and now is merely a puzzle.Jodhaa Akbar wins the award for "My Favorite Bollywood Film," for the story, the costumes, the leading lady and of course
honest to goodness Whirling Dervishes.
Guru receives the award for "Most Thought Provoking" I am not sure if this successfully bridged the gap between Bollywood and Film. The songs seemed very out of place with the tone of the movie. Abhishek Bachchan played the role of "Guru" very nicely.Saawariya receives the award for "Most Interesting Art Direction"
and also for "Man singing and dancing in a towel."
Kal Ho Naa Ho (Tomorrow May Never Come) wins the award for "The Most Tears Shed by the Judge" seriously touching yet ridiculous at the same time as it stars Shahrukh Khan.

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge recives the "Booby Prize" being the only film I could not finish because it was so bad. Shahrukh Khan strikes again.

Purab Aur Pachhim (East Meets West) wins the awards for "The Most Disturbing Movie I Have Ever Watched," "Least Sympathetic Leading Lady," and "Creepiest Villain Ever" Swinging London in the late 60's, micro mini skirts, moustaches gone wild and so many other things I can't even type them. I thought that I might need an eye transplant after watching this movie. But again, for you gentle reader. The song Hari Krishna wins the award for "The Most Brainwashing Song." I will not link to it because I only believe in brainwashing when it involves Cary Grant. Kuch Naa Kaho - Was the Runner Up for the Cinema Domingo Prize. It had all the elements: costumes, set in India, Aishwarya Rai, crazy love triangle, stellar dance scenes and a smoking hot villain to boot but alas it was out done byHum Dil De Chuke Sanam wins "The Cinema Domingo Prize" for meeting the initial criteria of starring Aishwaryia Rai, being set in India, compelling story as well as winning"Best Costumes," "My Favorite Saree Ever,""Outstanding Dance Numbers,""Most Interesting Love Triangle,""Lovely Sets,"
and "Most Potential for Post Movie Discussion."


Moose said...

You forgot the award for the "Most Crazy Video", for which I present this video.

Afton said...

Shahrukh Khan, also must get the "me likey those forearms" award.

Keira said...

Can't wait!!!