Monday, January 12, 2009

Samurai Mom's Child Development: Wherein I scare you about the dark ages of Childhood. If you can make it to 5 years you might survive.

I have shall now layout the different stages of child development and my feelings thereon;

Newborn- 2 months
Best age ever, they just sleep, nurse and pee and you can just hold them, love them and kiss them. Poop does not stink.

3-4 months - this age is ho-hum. They are still adorable babies that sleep on you but they need a little more activity and they are a little blobby. By blobby I mean, they can't sit up yet, they are rather oval shaped. It is impossible to get a cute picture at this age. This is a fantastic age to put the baby on your back and go on walks. They smile now. Poop still does not stink.

5-8 months - my favorite baby age after newborn. These babies are sitting up and interacting with you, they are chubby and kissable and munchable. Hugging these babies is divine. They love mom and fun faces and play with anything you give them. They light up when you walk in the room and flap their arms like they are trying to get to you. Laughing, baby laughs priceless..

9-12 months - these are ok times but baby doesn't look so babyish anymore. Eating solid foods now. They are crawling, cruising and thinking about walking. They go through potty pauses like crazy and you are so busy picking things up and keeping them out of trouble you are exhausted. Poop starts stinking but hopefully they are fairly reliable on the potty now.

12-13 months - learning to walk OY! And you have that lovely heartbreaking milestone - baby's first birthday. Stock up on the chocolate. Church is impossible, you spend the whole time shhh-ing baby and hanging in the hall.

14 months- I don't know why but I am always tempted to stop nursing around 14 months. I think they start biting then.

15-18 months - Church is really impossible. But in the end - you finally get to put them in nursery.

18 months to 2 years- Depending on the child you know spend all your time in nursery trying to sneak away from your baby or feeling a little bit sad that they don't seem to need you anymore. Talking now or not. Sign language is awesome at this stage you can know what they want and avoid tantrums and learn what they are thinking about. If you have a super EC kid like Nutmeg potty accidents are almost done!

2 years - Who came up with the terrible two's? Two is not terrible, THREE is terrible. (more on three later) I like to call them the terrific two's. They are so curious, settling into their personalities, fully interacting and developing relationships with people, discovering pretend play. Two year olds like picking up and "helping."Two is awesome. Sure there is some stubbornness, you can't distract them just by waving a cool toy in front of their eyes anymore. They do not play well with others, but they can take naps still. They are more work but I think the good outweighs the bad in the Terrific Two's.

3 years - Three is really tough naps are impossible, they had a full vocabulary and aren't afraid to use it. Three year olds want to you entertain them all the time. Like, full on interaction. Three year olds want to "help" when you don't want them to and won't help when you want them to. They can open doors and take off their clothes but not put them on. They think they can do anything but they can't. Inexcusable tantrums begin at three. Three is also loud. They may or may not play well with other kids. My three year old is also constantly hungry. Three can not be reasoned with. Three year old are little sponges - sponges that suck you dry and fill you with guilt. Oh and the questions begin at three.

4 years- I try to block out four. It is that bad, you still have the challenges of three, non stop questions, thinking they are big kids, demanding attention, can't put on their clothes very well. But you have the added challenge of you can barely pick them up, they are even more stubborn than before and above all they think they can reason with you but you can not reason with them. They start being picky about food. Four year olds can not, no, will not do chores and they WILL whine endlessly about them.

5 years - Five is nice. At five they can get themselves dressed even if it is in questionable taste. They are into dress up but not in an annoying way. They understand TIME, they can get some food by themselves. They are really curious about reading and learning. Sometimes five year olds do chores without complaining but by this time you have pretty much given up on chores and make the older kids do the chores or do it by yourself.
Five year olds, while not big kids yet, can play with the big kids for relatively long periods of time. Five is, to quote Laura Dominguez "Super good."
If you are the kind that like to deliver your children into the hands of the socialist humanists this is now the time to begin the brainwashing and get your self 3-6 hours of kid free time a day paid for by the taxpayer. Either way, five is good.

I don't think I have enough experience with the older ages. I can say though that 8 is really nice, Commander C can finally do chores and he is really nice to be around - except when he isn't.


Erika said...

Your kids didn't get food picky until 4???? Mine start at 2! I agree, 3 is worse than 2, but I hope 4 is better! So far my favorite is 18 months because they are so stinkin' cute!

Keira said...

I agree with the 3 thing. Terrible. Just rotten.

But I like 4.

And you're right, 5 is better.