Monday, February 28, 2005

Isolation and Childrearing the prologue

We have been having a discussion about finding
your tribe, and how it wasn't meant to be this ways moms aren't supposed
to be penned up alone with the kids all day, doing all the housework and
having no adult conversation all day. I agree.
In more civilized times (and I mean that I think the way we live is
barbaric) Women saw other women all day. Their kids played with other
kids and all the mothers mother all the kids (this STILL happens today
in more traditional societies and is probably what would be ideal in a
church community) So no one was over worked and over stressed.
Likewise we used to live with or very near our extended families. NO
more my closest relative is my SIL and she is a six hours drive away.
So when you needed help why grandma is in her room upstairs she can come
help cook and Grandpa is outside with the boys already all the cousins
are just next door.
Or take it back just 20 years. When I was a kid my mom could leave us
at home alone with out fear of CPS. i started watching 3 of my 5
younger siblings when I was 8. Also she didn't have to worry about us
ALL day long she could say "go out side and don't come back until
dinner." and we would. She could call up a neighbor and say "I am going
to such and such and place my kids are outside if one of them starts to
bleed can they come to you?" and the neighbor would agree knowing in
all likely hood she would not see anyone's children but her own and not
until dinner.
Do you see what I am saying? We need to be more of a community. Helping
someone out with their kids should be a matter of course not a big deal
and a reason for condemning someone as an unfit mother. Nursing someone
else's baby shouldn't be a heroic act, it should be a "your baby was
hungry and you were not here so i fed her and it was fine and we don't
mention it kinda thing"

Also parents used to work to support the family TOGETHER and the
children were included. Everyone works to keep the farm going, everyone
works in the bakery, everyone works here at the general store. None of
this dad goes away for 10 hours a day to support the family while mom
smothers under loneliness children and housework.

Isolation and Childrearing

Most of you probably don't know this because you don't know me IRL but
Osito is supreme mama's boy. Not you normal baby that likes mom but a Cry
HYSTERICALLY when mom is gone - the entire time even if it is 4 hours. -
kind of baby. He is 17 mo old an I noticed this at about 6 months. I
just went to the temple for the first time in 2 years because he was
finally able to be left with dad long enough with just tolerable sadness
and crying verses extreme hysterics when i leave him with anyone else.
I can't even leave the room. I can in the house sometimes if I don't go
too far and not for long and there is something really exciting going on
where he is.

I have mixed feelings about this. Of course i would like to be able to
go on dates (I even had my sister move in with us in hopes of him
getting to know her so she could watch him occasionally - no deal he
doesn't like her) but i feel

1) that it shouldn't be a problem that he likes me so much that there
shouldn't be anywhere that I can't go WITH my baby. I don't choose to
go to places that don't welcome children often. the temple is an
exception. I think that the temple should at least have a visitors
center so that a sitter could come and hang out with the baby - so i
could be away for less time - the Portland temple does not have a
visitors center. I mean we are a baby making baby loving people!
2) I shouldn't be EXPECTED to leave him. It makes me so sad when I meet
people who are out for HOURS when they have few days/weeks old baby at
home. And the fact that I seem to be the only one bothered by it and
everyone else doesn't bat an eye but when they find out I don't leave my
toddler it is HORROR and I am the only one that seems ok with it.
3)I shouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I was COMPLETELY
alone for the first 4 months I sat on the couch with the baby on my lap,
computer on my side book in my hand and my pre-schooler watching TV!
And then alone mostly for every day until my sister moved in after a
year. I SHOULD have had a community to help raise my baby mother close
by, sister down the street, friend across the way and a whole ward full
of sisters to see and hang with everyday. Instead my family is 2 states
away good friend 45 minutes away other friends a country away and no
ward friends and play dates that have to be scheduled, gotten ready for
and piled into the car and go. I should have had a NUMBER of people
that Osito saw every day and was comfortable enough with that leaving
would not be the trauma it is.

I admit he still would be partial to me - he just has that kind of
temperment - and do love to have him close but I just can't help
thinking thing are backward. It seems like society is regressing rather
than progressing. I guess that is just part of Satan's plan to help
destroy the family.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

My baby isn't a baby anymore!

My baby is growing up. He is nursing much less lately and he acts so much like his bigger brother. The nursing doesn't bother me so much because I have been getting a little tired of it lately and looking ahead to when we will be done (though I will miss knowledge that I can feed my babe.) But what is really upsetting me is that he is getting too big for me to wear him. I can still wear him comfortably, but he wants to walk and explore more frequently; and soon I'll hardly get a chance. We have been staying home more and going out less and I have noticed that I miss wearing him. I don't wear him around the house because he is too busy. Sometimes I try to think of places where we can go where I have to put him on my back. He is almost 18 months old and he is taller for his age than his brother was. Today they were standing together and I noticed that Roo is only a head taller than Osito and Roo is almost 5!

My sister has been trying to get me to have another baby. There is NO way I am ready to go through another pregnancy yet! Roo and Osito are 3.5 years apart and I think that is a great age difference, but Osito seems so grown up (compared to Roo at that age) that as I was watching him dump cheerios on the table the other day, I thought he might really enjoy being an older brother.

Q & A with Samurai Mom

Q. Samurai Mom, why are you so insistent on remaining anonymous?

A. I don't want to be held accountable in my personal life for what I say here. If
my readers know my real identity I will not be able to say what is in my heart for fear of causing offense. For example I have a friend who doesn't breastfeed, she doesn't even try, she had a baby that died, and still she refuses to breastfeed. How will she feel if she reads my rants on how bottle feeding kills 4,000 babies in the US per year and THOUSANDS more worldwide?

Q. Why did you choose Samurai Mom for you Screen Name?

A. I love the Samurai Legends and Culture. I admire the dedication and skill the Japanese put in to EVERY aspect of their lives. I like the ritual and the simplicity. Samurai are also fearless warriors loyal to their master. Like wise I feel that I must be a fearless warrior and loyal to the standards, causes, and values that are important to me. I am a mother. I LOVE being a mother and most of the things I believe in pretain to motherhood directly or indirectly.

Q. What can you tell us about yourself without giving away your identity?

A. Well, I am a mother, a wife, a scholar, a mentor, an artist, designer, and seamstress. I am LDS, a Diaper Free Baby mentor, a baby wearing expert, an avid reader and a budding archer. I am about as Attachment Parerenting as you can get and believe in positive parenting not punitive. I homeschool, breastfeed, homebirth and try to eat healthfuly. I have 2 young sons and a fabulous husband, all my boys are much better than I deserve.

Q. Samurai Mom, do you like chocolate?

A. Are you kidding???? I love it, the darker the better! I used to be a fan of chocolate but since becoming a mother I have formed a very unhealthy attachment to chocolate. My friend gave me a box of Godiva Truffles for my birthday....oh, YUM!